"Choose Your Battles"

(An Excerpt Taken from 'My Very Own Tool Supply' a book by Sylvia A. Miller)

"Take Me Away, Please!"

The Sanity Battle

Being a special needs parent of any kind is no easy role.  The hours are grueling, the stress level is incredibly high and the weight of the position becomes even heavier under the scrutiny of those who do not understand or who pity us.  Let's face it, there are many days when I hold my head to prevent it from exploding and ask someone, anyone, to just "take me away, please!"

So how do I manage to stay sane?  Well, to win this battle I addressed three issues: 

One - How can I prevent my sons from getting into mischief while I am working in other parts of the house where they are out of my sight?  

Strategy - LOCK DOWN

If they can, they will!  That's how it is with my sons.  I would most definitely wear out my vocal chords with the constant prompting and my daily responsibilities prevented me from standing guard all day.  "Don't touch" symbols just didn't cure the urge they have to get into the cabinets and mix the condiments together.  A one minute bathroom break would be all they need to lightly toast every single waffle before eating entire boxes.  And 20 gallons of water can flow down a kitchen sink while I'm getting the mail!  So, you know the saying "..an ounce of prevention..."  I simply lock up all temptation and wear a key chain around my neck.  It can really be annoying having to unlock doors and cabinets when I'm not in the mood, but it gives me peace of mind that my chocolate stash is safely hidden, nothing is being abused, wasted or tampered with, and my sons are safe and secure.

POINT OF INTEREST:  An administrator once told me this was no way to live.  This may be so, but truth be told, this is something that could work very well in classrooms where the students, who have obsessions with scissors or eating non-food items, outnumber the staff and these issues constantly take up space on an IEP that could be better used for an academic or life-skill goal instead.

Two - How can I possibly get all of my chores completed, all of the errands run and keep my house in order at the same time?

Strategy - ORGANIZATION

I am certain that I have a form of ADD that the medical profession has yet to identify.  They'd have to catch me sitting still with nothing to do first, and I can't even picture that!  

Well, you know how I say I have learned from my sons?  I have.  I require organization tools as well as visuals to keep myself sane.  First, and most importantly, I dedicated several hours a day for several months to organize the entire house, with a place for everything and everything in its place.  (In my case, this was done in any of the 4 hours I spend alone during the school day, or while they slept.) This is a one time project if it is well thought out, and it is vital to how smoothly your house will run.  

I use several calendars that I can see and/or carry with me at all times and they are synchronized daily.  I make lists each evening of 4 priorities for the next day.  (I found out the hard way that the running list doesn't work -- it just gave me a bigger and more depressing picture of all that I had to do but would never get to -- so I keep it to a realistic minimum and if I do more I feel so very proud of myself.)   I place reminders in eye view on a bulletin board and a white board  (i.e. things to do, household items I have run out of) and I transcribe these things into a small notebook that I carry in my bag at all times.  I even map out my route before I leave the house so I can save on time and gas.  I keep a notebook and pen beside every phone so I can jot down information to look at later and finally, I assign specific duties to certain days (i.e. laundry days are Wednesday and Saturday, and house cleaning is done while they are at home so projects that require silence and thought can be done when they are not).  I make daily contracts with myself by writing things down.  And the key to success for all of this is to stick to it! (barring unexpected emergencies like hospital visits etc. of course!)

POINT OF INTEREST:  An administrator once said to me "well, we could all use visuals!".  Well, why are they not the standard support in all classrooms? There are many children with autism sitting in self-contained classrooms when visuals and organizational tools strategically placed would enable them to learn in regular settings alongside their "typical" peers. 

Three - How can I keep from going absolutely insane? 

Strategy - RETREAT

I have, nor have I ever had, any such thing as respite.  I am all there is for my guys.  So, when the day is done, or even during the day when lives depend on my having a place to "time out" (yes, we need time outs too!) I withdraw to my own special place.  

This is my space.  It is clean and quiet and lacks distraction.  No one is allowed in this space.  It is my place of peace where I can relax, sleep, or have a quiet phone conversation.  There are scented candles, my favorite music, essential aromatherapy oils and candles for a luxurious bath and no TV!  

Even the air is different in my space, and in it time seems to stand still.  None of the craziness seeps in through the door.  

If you take nothing else from my experience, please take this!

POINT OF INTEREST:  An administrator suspended a boy with autism, for behaviors related to autism, because "his teacher needed a break!"  As I have learned over time, the children do what they do because it is a part of who they are.  We, the adults, deal with it quite well more often than not.  When we don't "deal", it's usually because of us going through changes (tired, sick, bad hair day, didn't complete tasks, PMS, boss or spouse ticked you off...the list of possible stimuli is endless!).  If we stop and think about it, our inability to cope is not because of the children.  So, maybe it's the adults that need to be suspended! 

T

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